In light of the upcoming Rambo gore fest/movie, I am resurrecting Rambo for a final chapter. Add as you see fit and make it a good one as it is the final chapter in a glorious life.
After another sleepless night, Rambo gets up off his beaten up sofa bed in the morning devoid of feeling and trying to find meaning in an otherwise meaningless life. “Why couldn’t Nam go on forever?” he asks himself not knowing whether he said it aloud or not. Rambo looks around his living room at a scattered mess of trash, food wrappers/cans, papers of nonsensical drawings, his own feces, and other miscellaneous junk. This is home. He sits on the couch and wipes the mess and litter on the cardboard box that serves as his coffee table and finds a large rat eating a leftover slice of pizza from who knows how many days ago. Rambo picks up the pizza with the rat and gobbles the whole thing down. He lets out a little belch and a long, abysmally stinky fart. After wafting the fart into his own nose, Rambo’s eyes perk a bit and he realizes he’s going to be late for work…again. John Jay searches the floor for the least dirty clothes, dresses, and runs out the door. He races down the street to the corner donut shop where he works as a donut maker/stock boy. He steps in the shop knowing he is late and already expecting to hear it from his boss, Mr. Murdoch. “Ram-BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” yells Murdoch. In a low deep grumble, Rambo mutters, “Sorry, Mr. Murdoch.” “I am sick of your excuses, Rambo! This is your last chance. You better have a great day today or it will be your last.” says the red faced Murdoch. Rambo nods and puts on his donut hat and goes in the back to start the first batch of donuts. Just as Rambo is about to get started, he sees another person already pulling out the first batch of donuts. “Rambo, this is Ming Lee. We brought her on to support during the busy times and she works cheap so make sure to show her around and get her up to speed.” orders Murdoch. Rambo thinks, “Up to speed? It’s f’ing donuts, duckfuck!” Sadly, this is one of those times Rambo actually says what he is thinking. “Ram-BOOOOOOOOOO!!!” yells Murdoch. “Just get to work!” he continues. Murdoch leaves and Ming Lee smiles shyly at Rambo. Immediately, Rambo is entranced by her Asian beauty. His eyes widen and mouth starts drooling as he has a disgusting/perverted grin on his mouth. Rambo remains speechless as finally he has found something that has caught his eye and given him a purpose. In an effort to impress the young Asian he starts showing off his skills with the dough, the fryer, and all the other contraptions like he is Tom Cruise from Cocktail except instead of catching everything and looking cool, he is dropping everything and making a mess and a fool of himself. Still, Ming smiles and claps in excitement. Recognizing that he has impressed Ming (at least so he thinks), Rambo asks her if she wants a coffee and does three flips and a sow cow up on the shelves that house the large bags of coffee beans. However, the weight and impact of Rambo on the rickety shelves cause them to buckle and down come the heavy bags of coffee right on top of Rambo knocking him out cold. Ming continues to applaud and laugh not realizing that Rambo is out cold…
